A Ritual for Honoring the Loss of a Human or Animal Companion

We can lose our human and animal companions at any moment, and it becomes one of the most profound experiences of our lives. I was fortunate to pass my adolescence with no losses of family or friends, but since I entered my 20s, they have been seemingly nonstop, with the loss of nearly 30 women friends over the years, most all to cancer. I have also mourned the loss of my parents and my three dogs.

Each time I have learned something about loss and how painful and unwelcome it is, and how ritual can soothe the pain and bring me closer to my loved ones, both alive and dead.

Rosemary has long signified deep friendship and lasting memories. It is also the herb that will help to guide the loved one to their next place, support us through grief, and help us celebrate the life of our loved one.

The Ritual

First, identify a place in your home where you will create an ofrenda, or an altar for your loved one, for a month-long period. Begin by gathering bunches of rosemary, either from the garden, from friends, or from the store. Tie these bunches together at the end and hang them upside down near the doorways of your home to dry.

Then gather items that represent the four elements of nature: fire, air, water, and earth. You may choose any object that has meaning for you; there is no right or wrong choice. For the fire element, a candle, incense, ashes, or hot spices work well. Air is associated with the blue, yellow, and white along with wood, so any wooden objects with these colors might be something to choose. The water element might be represented by a bowl of water or a photograph of your favorite body of water. For the earth element you might consider something that comes from the earth: dirt, a root, a gem, or something made from clay.

Surround the altar with these objects so that it is embraced by the forces of nature. Engage family members and friends who want to participate. Young ones might make some art or items to add to the basket. Gather photographs from the earliest to the last days of your loved one.

As family and friends come to celebrate, they enter the home and remove their shoes. They then join in pairs, and each pair takes a bunch of rosemary. One person holds the rosemary while the other takes a light cotton string and wraps it several times around and along the length of the bunch so that the thick bunch of sprigs and branches becomes a tightly wound wand.

While the string is being wound, the pair looks each other in the eyes and says:

“The circle of life goes round and round, the circle of life goes round and round. We celebrate the life of [Name]. The circle of life goes round and round.”

When everyone is finished, they gather in a circle. One person lights their wand at the tip until the rosemary starts to smoke and then, holding the wand, they weave in and out of the circle, bathing each member in smoke. When they return to where they started, they hand the wand to their partner who does the same thing. Once that person has circled the entire group, the next person lights their wand and makes their trips around the circle. This continues until each person in the circle has had an opportunity to weave in and out holding their wand.

Following the circle, individuals might add small meaningful items to the ofrenda basket, and then everyone gathers around the table to eat the favorite foods of the loved one and share stories and photographs. As people depart, they may leave their wand at the altar and exchange it for another person’s wand one month later to signify the enduring connections with each other and through the loved one who has journeyed on.

Caution: If this ceremony is done inside, good ventilation should be provided, and people with respiratory issues might want to sit this out at a distance.