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Entries tagged with “Low Self-Esteem”

4 Signs That Your Self-Esteem Has Improved

Maybe you've been working hard to raise your self-esteem—with or without the use of my book, Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself. Maybe your self-esteem has been rising naturally…

5 Signs That Your Self-Esteem Is Improving

How can you tell if your self-esteem is improving? Sometimes—thanks to luck, work and/or miracles—self-loathing ebbs. But self-loathing is so sneaky, so habit-forming, that when it…

5 Ways to Keep Self-Loathing From Snuffing Out the Holiday Spirit

Strung with baubles, soaring ceilingward and breathing strong pinesap perfume, the hotel's Christmas tree transfixes me. Then the magic shatters and I skulk away, feeling punished …

6 Gifts that People With Low Self-Esteem Should Give Themselves

<p><em>Anneli Rufus is a frequent contributor to&nbsp;</em>Spirituality &amp; Health<em>. Her books&nbsp;</em>Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto<em>&nbsp;and the Nautilus Award-winning&nbsp;</em>Stuck: Why We Can't (or Won't) Move On<em>&nbsp;examined our lives as individuals in a crowded world. Rufus’ upcoming work,&nbsp;</em>Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself<em>,&nbsp;will be released by Tarcher Penguin in the spring and continues this path, addressing self-esteem. It serves as the catalyst for this blog and asks: Why do we feel the way we do about ourselves?</em> - See more posts <a href="http://spiritualityhealth.com/blog/anneli-rufus/10-telltale-signs-low-self-esteem">here</a>.</p>

Are You a Good Listener for the Wrong Reasons?

"Thank you so much for letting me tell you all this," she said, reaching over and patting my sleeve. "I feel like I've been talking for hours, but this really helped me. You're too…

Are You Afraid to Accept Praise?

"How old are you?" she asked.I told her."What? No way," she chirped. "You look ten years younger than that."Okay, I thought. What's she trying to pull?Having low self-esteem makes …

Are You Your Own Prisoner?

Dusk fell over the Greek island with a soft strumming sound: the salty, minty sea breeze sighing over sand and stone and shattered shrines. Down village lanes gone bruise-blue with…

Be the Life of the Party

You're minding your own business, not thinking at all about bouncy music, balloons or boisterous crowds. Then, out of the blue, it arrives: a party invitation. It depicts smiley fa…

Can We Give and Get Gifts Without Hating Ourselves (or Anyone Else)?

My mother's birthday was last week. Because she's left ths world, I couldn't send her a gift.This was a bittersweet relief.Opening gifts almost always made Mom cry—not with joy, bu…

Can You Handle Criticism?

A total stranger about whose business establishment I had written an article emailed me the night after it was published, alleging that my article was "mostly erroneous."For a horr…

Do You Make Yourself Difficult to Love?

When someone says they love you, is your first impulse to argue that they can't?One night when I was 21, a man with curly copper-penny hair told me: I love you.Under the streetligh…

Empathy: It's a Win-Win

At a family holiday dinner last week, it finally dawned on me that certain people I consider smart and beautiful consider themselves stupid and hideous.Granted, I spent most of my …

For a Positive Body Image, Choose Self-Compassion over Self-Esteem

“Beauty is perfect in its imperfections, so you just have to go with the imperfections.” —Diane Von Furstenberg A new study by researchers at the University of Waterloo has …

From Childhood Onward, Spirituality Shapes Our Self-Esteem

Some children aren't spiritually inclined, but many are. Is this because their tender, innocent awe for all things alive and imagined hasn't yet been trounced by trauma, teasing an…

Getting What You Want Might Not Destroy Western Civilization

Boarding the Azamara Quest in Barcelona, about to start a week-long Riviera cruise, I felt joy and two types of anxiety. One was luxuryphobia. The other was mortal fear.Surely, I t…

Has Low Self-Esteem Made You Forget How to Have Fun?

One night two weeks ago, while watching a Nebraska-based trance band, I suddenly remembered how to have fun.It happened effortlessly—as shake-out-your-sleeves-and-collapse-on-the-h…

How Can I Love You When You Don't Love Yourself?

Person A tells Person B: "You're beautiful.""I am not," Person B retorts."I love you," Person A sighs."Why?" wails Person B.Loving people who have low self-esteem means constantly …

How to Become Your Own Hero

Telling yourself, once or twenty thousand times, "I'm smart; I'm beautiful; everyone loves me" won't make it true (or untrue) but, more crucially, won't make you start believing it…

How to Embrace New Year's Resolutions When You Don't Believe in Yourself

Self-loathing can turn this annual self-help ritual into a slippery slope.New Year's resolutions are wonderful in principle. What spurs self-improvement better than specific, state…

I've Seen the Short, Straight Line from Low Self-Esteem to Suicide

Last week, a member of my extended family decided that life was no longer worth living and tried to end it, using an ordinary object sold at every hardware store and present in vir…

Ingratitude Is Way Too Easy

Are you often accused of being a complainer? Whiner? Pessimist? An ingrate too intent on inspecting your own alleged flaws to celebrate a candy-colored sunset or your health?

Introverts: Is Social Media Stealing Your Self-Esteem?

   Not to over generalize, but mainly:Social media feels natural, fun and rewarding to extroverts.Social media feels unnatural, creepy and devastating to introverts.…

Is Lying to Ourselves Even Crueler Than Lying to Others?

Last year, I lost interest in writing.That was a problem, because writing's my career. It also, for better or worse—I suspect worse—largely comprises my sense of identity.My latest…

It's OK to Stop Thinking About Yourself

During a recent interview about my new book Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself, the interviewer asked me to suggest a practical anti-self-loathing strategy."Engage in activities…

It's Really Not Your Fault

Situation 1: Hiking with friends, I relish the sea breeze but keep falling farther behind. Briskly they stride, disappearing from view, neither noticing nor apparently minding the …

Just Don't Do It

Do you do certain things only because of fear and anxiety? Give yourself permission to stop.A feel-good moment in countless fairy tales, songs, advertising jingles, children's film…

Kindred Spirits Can Save Your Life, Even If You Never Actually Meet Them

If low self-esteem had a Constitution, its First Amendment would be: I hate myself.Its Second Amendment would be: Everyone hates me.Illogically, maddeningly, this Second Amendment …

Littering is Really, Really Bad

Yesterday a man was walking toward me on the sidewalk, unwrapping a sandwich. Just as we passed, he flicked the paper wrapper from his hand into the street.This didn't happen by ac…

Meditation Is Hard When You Hate Yourself

Maybe at some point you decided to try meditation—thinking it might help you resemble those placid, robe-draped figures chanting in the documentaries. Maybe you marveled at those s…

Self-Hatred: Made in America?

An anecdote often retold in meditation circles involves the Dalai Lama meeting with a group of Western Buddhist teachers. One teacher allegedly asked him how to aid students suffer…

Some of Us Really Need Halloween

Halloween is my favorite holiday.It always was, because I've always had a dark side, even as a child in endless safe suburban sunshine, when fanged bats and bloody bones felt frien…

Sometimes Just Stepping Outside Is a Mark of Courage

On crowded streets, I often wonder who among us found it very hard to leave his or her home that day, yet did it anyway.In other words, I wonder who is brave. Then I send silent gr…

Spa Treatments for Low Self-Esteem: A Lesson About Love

She ran her hands over my cheekbones, her fingerpads expert after years of experience, and ever so soft.And it was already outrageous, already almost unbearable, because it felt so…

Talking With People Who Trigger Your Issues

I met a supermodel last week.Daisy Lowe, whose archangelic statuesquity graces Vogue and other fashion hotspots, appears in a stunning set of images recently commissioned by the Gr…

The Benefits of Being a Big Frog in a Small Pond

Those of us who struggle with low self-esteem might not like ourselves very much. But, because we're alive, we like other people and other stuff. As scathingly as we might view our…

The Connection Between Self-Esteem and Self-Clarity

What do you think of yourself? Do you feel that you are kind or unkind, successful or unsuccessful, smart or not-so-smart? Somewhere in the middle? In general, is your self-esteem …

The Secret Power in Feeling Helpless

One of the most crushing and crippling side effects of low self-esteem is the sense of helplessness with which it saddles us.Hopelessness too, of course. But before hopelessness co…

The Uncertainty Curse

Few states of mind are more synonymous with low self-esteem than uncertainty.People with medium or high self-esteem are confident and secure. This confidence and security might wan…

Tiny Traumas Are Traumatic Too

I hadn't seen Tracey in over a year. And I was wrangling, that morning, with the latest in a long series of anxiety attacks, which made me not want to see anyone.But cancelling our…

Turn Everything Into a Self-Esteem Game-Changer

Low self-esteem is hard to lift. Unlike high self-esteem, which is primed to respond rapidly to even slight praise—You love my new haircut? Me too!—low self-esteem is notoriously s…

Unconditional Love…Do You Deserve It?

Once I was in India visiting a holy man who my family had known since I was a child and hadn’t seen in nearly 30 years. As I sat across his desk from him, he looked at me as if he …

What Are the Best Presents for People With Low Self-Esteem?

Here are some strategies for picking gifts that not only are relatively trigger-free, but also possess healing powers which might outlast the gifts themselves.

What Do We Really Mean When We Say We're Doing Nothing?

When anyone asks what I've been doing lately, I almost always say: "Nothing."Of course, that's not literally true. Yesterday, I wrote two articles, drew a picture of a girl wearing…

What Not to Say to People With Low Self-Esteem (and What to Say Instead)

Some things not to say to those of us who tend to hate ourselves — and why, and what you might tell or ask us instead.

What Would You Do Today If You Didn't Despise Yourself?

Those of us who struggle with low self-esteem tend to shun whatever activities might conceivably make us lose, drool or look ridiculous. This avoidance is not entirely conscious. W…

What's the One and Only New Year's Resolution That People With Low Self-Esteem Should Make?

This is the time of year -- and pretty much the only time of year -- when the plural noun "resolutions" comes into frequent usage. Suddenly every blog, magazine and TV talk show ex…

When Yes Means No and No Means Yes

I once met a woman who had traveled the world. She had learned to speak Zulu in South Africa. She had slept in hammocks beside the Black Sea. Her eyes were kind and tolerant. Even …

Why Does Low Self-Esteem Make Us Lie—and How Can We Start Telling the Truth?

I once asked a friend whether she knew anything about Russian literature."No," she intoned, shaking her head with a studiedly blank look in her eyes. "Not a thing."Later I learned …

Would Living Somewhere You Loved Make You Hate Yourself Less?

Do you love where you live?Do you live where you love?Exploring rainforests, farms and craters on Hawaii's Big Island last week, traversing its dazzling, dreamlike backcountry via …

Yes, They Really Like You

Friendship is one of life's best blessings. Otherwise Bruno Mars, Dolly Parton, Lil Wayne and Ringo Starr wouldn't have all written songs extolling it. But low self-esteem can punc…

You Were Not Born with Low Self-Esteem

Adapted from Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself

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