How to Take Care of Yourself During the Dark Night of the Soul

Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of human life?

Throughout our lifetime, we humans experience all kinds of varying crises. With these difficult times come impossible-to-answer questions. There is the identity crisis, where we lose a title, role, or job that gave us credibility in the world. The midlife crisis, where we face restricted possibilities, limitations, and the inevitability of death. And many of us experience a crisis of faith at some point, during which we rethink our spiritual beliefs or practices.

Any one of these crises can be destabilizing on its own. But wrap them all up in one and you find yourself in the grip of an existential crisis, or a dark night of the soul.

The Origins of the Dark Night of the Soul

Humans have been experiencing existential crises since we progressed out of survival mode and gained space in which to reflect and question our lives. The 15th-century mystic St. John of the Cross named this universal experience the dark night of the soul. In many spiritual communities today, we often use this term to describe the confusion, pain, and feelings of isolation that occur when we begin questioning the very fabric of our lives—from the origins of life, to the eternal nature of a soul, to the existence of a god.

A dark night of the soul could be triggered by great loss, such as the death of a loved one, or by an experience with injury or illness. It could arise after the end of a career, marriage, or some other meaningful stage of life. It can even come upon us for little to no apparent reason at all.

Most humans will experience a dark night of the soul at least once in their lifetime. If we find the proper support, the deep work and questioning that happens during such a time can result in a reawakening of our purpose, greater centeredness, and expanded peace in our lives.

Because you can’t go to a doctor (a Western doctor, at any rate) and get a diagnosis for an existential crisis, it can be difficult to recognize it.

4 Markers of the Dark Night of the Soul

Loneliness

Loneliness is the hallmark of the existential crisis. Our worldview has been shredded. Meanwhile, those around us are going to work, making dinner reservations, and shopping for groceries as if nothing has happened. It can feel very disorienting and isolating.

Emotional Turmoil

Swinging from one emotion to another throughout the day is a common symptom of an existential crisis. Sadness, depression, fear, and other uncomfortable feelings are to be expected as the belief structures that once helped explain the world are irrevocably gone.

Confusion and Difficulty Making Decisions

Uncertainty reigns in a dark night of the soul. As belief structures have broken down and new ones have not yet been built up, this period can bring about feelings of nihilism, as well as pessimism and cynicism about the future—or even just tomorrow.

Questioning the Meaning of Life

In the cloud of uncertainty, loneliness, and emotional turmoil, we find ourselves asking the biggest questions in life: Who are we? Why are we here? Is there a god? What is the essence of good and evil? This is bound to create tension with what is left of our belief systems (and likely with our family and friends, too).

6 Ways to Care for Yourself During the Dark Night of the Soul

Practice Self-Compassion

There is no do-it-yourself manual to get out of a dark night of the soul quicker or easier. We simply have to learn to get comfortable in the discomfort and accept our changing emotions and moods. This is the time to let go of judgments and expectations and practice compassion and patience for yourself.

Strengthen Digestion

I have never experienced a dark night of the soul that did not spill over into some kind of dark night of the body. The mind and body are more than just linked; they are one and the same. Therefore, as your mind, heart, and soul undergo this crisis, be sure to feed your body well. I suggest simple nutritious foods, and perhaps some cleansing digestive lassis, to keep your body strong and capable during this time.

Get Plenty of Sleep and Daytime Rest

Our usual problem-solving mechanisms involving our analytical left brain are insufficient in addressing a dark night of the soul. An existential crisis requires letting go and moving into the subconscious. Dreamwork, whether at night or during the day, can be a valuable tool to, as Dr. Carl Jung would say, “make the unconscious conscious.”

In addition to these benefits, rest in general is critical during any crisis in our lives. Because a crisis takes us out of our habits and routines, we expend more energy even in simple interactions and tasks. Thus, rest becomes critical.

Find Proper Support

Not all support is equal. You do not need people telling you to just “get back out there.” You can prove your resilience another time. For now, you need to find people who have been where you are and can be present with you through all the ups and downs.

Accept Help

This is not a time for exertion. Accept help from others for daily tasks and errands. You can always return the favor when you are on the other side.

Trust that There Is a Larger Lesson

Times of confusion and chaos in our lives are uncomfortable, but they do serve a larger purpose: to shake us free of beliefs, habits, and constructs that hold us back from greater growth. Trust that after the storm, there will be a calm. In fact, you will likely land in a place in your life where you feel more ease and peace than you ever have before.

To explore the lessons you are meant to learn in your dark night, take this quiz.