9 Creative Strategies for Releasing Habits as You Age

After several years of trying to figure out how to sleep better, I realized that wine was the culprit for my insomnia. I was not happy with this discovery, because the 6 p.m. “wine o’clock” hour I shared with my husband was my favorite time of the day. One evening, instead of wine, I poured half a beer into a wine glass, and I realized that the ritual of drinking liquid out of an elegant long-stemmed glass was the main joy of this ritual. Soon, I switched to non-alcoholic beer.

At 73, it’s rare for me to give something up 100 percent; I feel too old for extreme habit changes. So I still enjoy an occasional glass of wine—just not in the evening.

When a habit has existed for years or even decades, as my evening wine o’clock did, releasing it can be very challenging, especially if we’ve tried before without success.

Even so, along with giving up evening wine, I’ve gradually managed to release several unhealthy habits, including nicotine, junk food, and a sedentary lifestyle. According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results, shifting one’s sense of self is the key to changing habits. And this is true for me. Since I no longer see myself as a junk-food eater, smoker, or sedentary person, I don’t engage in the activities associated with those labels.

Here are nine strategies I’ve found to let go of unwanted habits when they feel deeply ingrained through time.

Don’t Make Promises

When I was a teenager, I developed a habit of repeatedly promising my mother I would go on a diet. It started years of power struggles; on one hand, I wanted to make her happy, but on the other, a deeper part of me knew that what I weighed was my business and not hers. Trying to both please her and be true to myself, I ended up in the no-win position of promising her I’d diet and then sabotaging it.

Years later, I decided that one of the best ways for me to make a change was to not make a promise because, counterintuitively, I’m more likely to succeed when I don’t feel obligated to someone else.

Inject a Spirit of Lightness into the Change

I’ve learned that a sense of heaviness sabotages my success, so my goal is to approach the change I want to make lightly. For example, the year I stopped eating Doritos—to which I had an addiction (I was eating three bags a day!)—I saved empty bags for a couple of weeks, then went to a Halloween party with Doritos bags pinned all over my dress.

Aim for Small but Consistent Changes

When I’m trying to establish a new habit, I know I’ll have some resistance, so I start small. In fact, no step is too tiny. For example, if my goal is to develop an exercise routine at home, I might start with two planks or push-ups rather than 10, and the next day, three. The Japanese concept of kaizen—incremental improvement—is my inspiration.

Ask Long-Gone Loved Ones for Help

One of my favorite strategies for smoothing out change and releasing habits is to seek support from my late mother and sister. Not because they were models of success—quite the opposite, in fact. Both found it difficult to make changes, especially, like me, when it comes to eating. But the fact that they, too, struggled means that talking to them is sometimes exactly what I need.

When I ask them for help in prayer and meditation, I sense their empathy, which helps me feel less alone. I know that a sense of isolation increases my anxiety and almost guarantees I won’t succeed. With their support, I feel stronger and more resilient.

Focus on Your Hidden Strengths

I wish I had known this strategy earlier in my life, when I often felt defeated after repeatedly failing to eliminate a habit. This technique, borrowed from solution-focused therapy, is predicated on the idea that the change we want to make is already within our capability, and that there was a time in our lives when we weren’t hostage to the behavior.

Rather than beating myself up, I remember what I was once like as a way of reminding myself that my present behavior isn’t all of who I am. I ask myself questions like, When was I successful at this in the past? What was I doing differently? What kept me from unraveling?

Imitate People Who Have the Habits You Want

I’m the fastest eater I’ve ever met, and I’d like to be more mindful when I eat. One way I’ve learned to slow down is by copying other people. Once, at a retreat, I decided to consume my meal at the same speed as the other participants sitting at my table even though they looked like they were all eating at a mournfully glacial pace.

Only when the man next to me picked up his fork did I pick up my own. It was a huge challenge, but I forced myself to slow down. Ever since, I’ve been able to moderate my pace by watching the person I’m eating with—usually my husband, who tends to eat slower than I do.

Journal About the Habit in the Third Person

Sometimes when I’m struggling with a difficult mental habit—like feeling hurt or left out—I write about the situation in my journal, using the third person. For example, I might write, “She stopped worrying about whether she was invited to the gathering and instead took pleasure in the friends she had.”

Writing in the third person provides a sense of perspective, compassion, and optimism. I always feel uplifted after using this technique.

Track Your Habits

I’m a huge fan of record-keeping. Studies show that record-keeping in and of itself brings about change. Over the years, tracking habits on a chart has helped me eat more greens and fresh fruit, run a marathon, make cold calls, greet strangers, do upper-body exercises, practice Spanish, and increase my writing output.

Writing a check mark on a page when I’ve accomplished a goal gives me great satisfaction. And knowing I’ll see an ever-growing line of check marks at the end of the week motivates me even more. Some people use apps to track their habits, but I’m old-fashioned and prefer handwriting.

Treat Yourself with Kindness

Far from motivating me, I’ve learned that lecturing, scolding, and nagging just make me feel bad and resist change even more. Now when I notice that I’m scolding myself, I put my hand on my heart and say, “Hey, Sweetie, how can I help?”

Promises, willpower, self-control, five-year plans, and New Year’s resolutions—none of these work for me. But reminding myself of my strengths, mimicking people who have what I want, and getting help from others, even if it’s only in my imagination, have helped me find the openness and creativity to overcome many undesirable habits.

These 14 affirmations can help you change your habits.