5 Tips to Navigate Grief Anxiety

Any number of experiences—real or imagined—can activate fear and anxiety. As a kid, watching my first horror movie ignited a nighttime fear of what (or who) I imagined was hiding under my bed. Instead of talking about my fear, I coped by adopting a run-and-leap ritual for getting into bed (lest my ankles be grabbed). Over the years, I learned I wasn’t the only ‘80s kid practicing nightly parkour thanks to Jason and Freddy, and I suspect my cohort wasn’t the last.

While I’ve long outgrown the fears of my adolescence, they have been replaced with plenty of others—but this time, I know I’m not alone. Recent data confirms that, while what adults are afraid today may appear wide-ranging, in taking a closer look, what we’re truly afraid of is very clear and common. Spoiler alert: Instead of a fictional character, most of us are afraid of our own grief.

How Common Is Grief Anxiety?

According to the recently published 2023 Chapman University Survey of American Fears, American adults reported that they are “afraid” or “very afraid” of many things, with “Corrupt government officials” (60.1 percent) leading the list. Not far behind, “Economic/financial collapse” (54.7 percent) and “Russia using nuclear weapons” (52.5 percent) round out the top three. Most of the remaining top 10 relate to war, terrorism, or the economy, but two do not.

The fifth most common fear in American adults is “People I love becoming seriously ill” (50.6 percent), and the sixth is “People I love dying” (50.4 percent).

Along with a closer look at what isn’t in the top 10, the sad state of American grief and bereavement literacy is clear. It took a scan of the full list of the top 100 fears of American adults until I finally found (between “Gang violence” and “Reptiles”) the 66th most common fear: “Dying.”

When considered together, this data reveals that we are more afraid of suffering our own grief than we are the end of our own existence. In a culture that is so grief-avoidant and death-avoidant, why wouldn’t we be? Unfortunately, open conversations about loss, grief, and end of life are simply not the norm and, as a result, worry grows—and so does our anxiety.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

What to Do with Grief Anxiety

Grief-induced anxiety can present alongside grief at the time of loss, or may manifest before or well after a loss even occurs. If your anxiety is onset by the fear that a loved one may become seriously ill or die, know that you aren’t alone. Though it may not be easy, calming your grief anxiety is possible. If you’re not sure where to begin, consider exploring these five tips:

Name It

Acknowledge your experience and recognize that your anxiety may be activated by more than just the fear of an illness or physical death. For example, experiencing infertility, divorce, familial estrangement, incarceration, identity change, and addiction are among the major life events that involve loss and grief. It may sound simple, but naming your experience—and understanding the nuances as active, ambiguous, anticipated, or unresolved grief—is an important step.

Share the Burden

Schedule time with a mental health professional who specializes in grief and anxiety. Over time, articulating our loss and grief-related fears helps us to process them, which in turn helps us to better understand the distinctions within that fear. Similar to shining a flashlight under your bed, sharing your grief anxiety with a trusted guide helps you to safely confront your fears. Should your grief-related anxiety persist or should your loss involve trauma, consider exploring different therapeutic techniques or connecting with a trauma-aware clinician.

Listen to Others

When presented the opportunity, show up for other grievers with care and without judgment. This means not minimizing or comparing your own story of loss or hijacking another griever’s story to share your own. This creates a safe space for others to safely share and allows the listener to serve the sacred role of bearing witness. In doing so, both are able to “be” with grief and better understand it as a natural and normal response to loss.

Practice Mindfulness

This allows us to focus on the moment as it is, not as it once was, as we wish it to be, or as we’re afraid it might be. Practicing mindfulness can be done at any point in the day. It may be done alone or in a group, at home or at work. Mindfulness can be cultivated through intentional daily meditation, a yoga class, eating lunch, sipping tea slowly, or simply sweeping the floor with attentiveness. The practice of mindfulness has been shown to improve several aspects of wellness, including a reduction in anxiety.

Connect

Community offers many gifts, among them the opportunity to connect with others who share similar experiences. While helpful communities exist online and in-person, keep in mind that each is unique and, much like dating, you may need to experience several before finding the best one for you. Additionally, other resources such as podcasts or books specific to grief and anxiety can introduce you to the stories of others and ultimately help you to better understand your own experience.

With American deaths exceeding 3 million per year, and over 60 million deaths reported globally last year alone, death is an inescapable truth of the human condition. Since it is a natural phase of life and grief is a natural response to loss, addressing our grief anxiety seems to be both a prudent and empowering strategy toward overcoming this fear. Until we do, I suspect that grief and grieving will not only continue to be a common fear that we share, but something far worse: a burden shared with the next generation.

Learn more about healthy, holistic grief practices.