Cultivating Connection in a Disconnected World 

Oh, the pleasures of the modern world! Groceries are delivered to our doorstep within hours, drive-throughs dispense curated coffee in mere minutes, and endless entertainment options are available in just a couple of clicks. Sure, today’s conveniences save time, but what are we doing with that time? Two recent reports released by the US Surgeon General offer worrisome clues that we’re not using our saved time to meaningfully connect with our loved ones.

These reports, issued in 2023, reveal that American adults are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness, and that social media is likely negatively impacting the mental health of our tweens and teens. On closer examination, a more sobering sentiment surfaces: While technological advances allow us to connect faster and farther than ever, they also may be causing us to be lonelier than ever.

If that resonates, or if you realize that you’re in a relationship rut, consider why that may be. Are memes now your main mode of communication with friends? Do you text your teen more than talking face to face? Whether craving meaningful connection in your romantic, platonic, or familial relationships, getting honest about the role technology plays in life can be helpful to cultivating, restoring, or even deepening intimacy.

Reconnecting in Family Relationships

Sharing personal space with anyone fosters a unique dynamic. These are the people who see us in our many ages and stages, and we can often feel emotionally vulnerable around them. If you feel unsafe, separating yourself from those you live with may be wise. But if those you live with are provoking a normal amount of frustration, there are ways to improve those relationships.

Up until the last couple of decades, the average American family ate most of their meals together; however, that’s no longer the case. A combination of busy, conflicting schedules and the ease of pre-cooked, drive-through, or delivered meals means we are eating alone more than we are together. Committing to regularly scheduled face-to-face time—by sharing a meal or having a daily 10-minute check-in (perhaps over coffee or tea)—allows both parties to share and listen in real time.

If you don’t live with your family, or if distance makes in-person visits rare, technology can actually be of service. FaceTime them, schedule a Zoom call, or reach out over the phone in lieu of texting or emailing. Emerging research shows hearing a loved one’s voice is good for us, as it can nurture a sense of trust and help us feel seen and heard—because, unlike texting, we are seen.

Reconnecting in Friendships

Recent studies indicate that adults are reporting fewer close friendships than they once had. This decline is likely due in part to the rise of social media platforms that build “friends” and “followers.” We start by friending and following our families and former classmates, then our colleagues and community members. But soon enough, we’re accepting requests from people we don’t actually know, but know of. Eventually, our social media “friends” are totaling into the thousands and include our third cousins once-removed and every bridesmaid you stood with in your former friend’s wedding party. Prior to social media, these people would be called “acquaintances,” and both parties recognized one another as such. In today’s culture, the lines are less defined.

Taking an inventory of our friendships can help us gain clarity on who means the most to us. Be it two friends or 20, we can engage with intention and act from a place of sincerity in simply letting them know they are important.

Reconnecting in Romantic Relationships

When considering physical intimacy, it’s easy to understand why our smartphones, along with our tablets, laptops, and desktops, are causing trouble. Not only are we tech-addicted, but sexually explicit sites easily accessible across our devices are causing problems in the bedroom too. Social scientists are finding that consuming explicit sexual images impacts our brains, desensitizing both our mental and physical arousal centers. Ultimately, this rewires us in a way that is linked to sexual dysfunction in both men and women.

If you want to revive your relationship with sexual intimacy, commit to opting out of manufactured sexual imagery entirely. This kind of tech cleanse actually works to reset the brain. Also, consider practicing mindfulness when you’re sexually intimate. Before long, our neural pathways begin to form new tracks, allowing us to replace transactional sex with connected intimacy.

Taking an honest, personal inventory of all your relationships and your own behavior will help identify if tech is the culprit in disconnection. In doing so, be open to what you find—you may discover it isn’t a problem! However, if it is, tiny tweaks to your tech hygiene may help you to cultivate intimacy and connect more deeply.

Discover how you can cultivate connection and belonging.