The 3 Most Important Things to Build Trust With Your Children

I recently saw a picture on social media of a mother and child on a train both reading their books, with a caption referring to someone asking her, “How do you get your kid to do that?” The response was something along the lines of children copying what they see.

It got me thinking about being role models. So, if kids emulate their parents, the question to parents or role models is: Are you proud of the person you are, knowing that you’re the primary influence on your kids as they mimic your behaviors, patterns, mannerisms, habits, and way of life?

Making Conscious Changes

This is more about conscious decision-making and taking action to become the best version of your Self than it is about pointing fingers or feeling guilty. The idea is to present the version of your Self to your children that is true, authentic, and would make you proud when you see your children emulating your ways.

Building Up Little Humans With Awareness

I had a very proud moment recently when my niece, a bright six-year-old full of love, said, “Nah Mummy, I trust Aunty.” What that actually tells me is that I’m doing something right for her to feel safe. It means I’m showing up for her in a way that she needs, emotionally and mentally. It was only a few weeks before that when I spoke to her in the morning and said I’d call her again later. Instead, I called her the day after to apologize for not calling her back the previous day when I said I would. I reminded her that I said I’d call her back and that I didn’t, so I wanted to apologize for that. I didn’t want to ignore it hoping that she wouldn’t remember or that it wouldn’t impact our trust long-term.

In understanding the importance of these moments to impressionable minds, we build trust, value and worth with our loved ones.

Thoughts, Words, Actions

Now, if I was constantly saying things to her and then bailing or not following through with my actions, these behavior patterns and my words would ultimately be meaningless to her. As she grows into adolescence, she’ll learn not to trust me, because I didn’t show up for her, stay true to my word, and build her self-value and worth at these critical stages of her life by showing up in the way she needs.

Here are three things to practice to build trust when raising children:

• Thinking first: Instead of reacting, learning to respond shows that you value their needs and that you’re choosing not to say things for the sake of it. It teaches consideration for your Self and them.

• Making promises: Make ones that you can keep and set clear boundaries around the ones you can’t or are unsure about. When building a connection with your little humans, all you have is your word and whether you follow through with your actions. It teaches the importance of doing what you say you will, which also leads to developing self-trust when they grow up.

• Following through: Follow through with your actions and behaviors to demonstrate the importance of your word. The thing with actions is that even if you don’t “say” anything, your actions show everything. Practicing self-care in the form of showing up for your Self by taking action builds confidence and independence in a healthy way. It ensures that you don’t let them or your Self down, which after repetitive cycles can be demotivating and demoralizing, and diminishes trust in those who you’re meant to consider trusted members of your inner circle.

If trust is broken and never rebuilt, children can become hyper-independent and forced to be self-reliant, which can ultimately lead to issues in connections as adults.

Remember that when you break trust, it’s the hardest thing to rebuild. Perhaps building trust has to start with your Self first, so you can then allow it to ripple out to how you are with your children.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Grab your copy of my free eBook, The Self-Love Journey: Empowering Parents and Professionals on my website.