​Luciferian Meats: We Answer to a Lower Authority*

Pastor Rick Wiles of TruNews.com uncovered a plot against humanity that demands our attention: laboratory produced meatless meats are laced with an additive that alters human DNA to the point that people are no longer human and hence no longer capable of salvation through Christ.

This is true. Otherwise it wouldn’t be on TruNews.

According to Pastor Rick, God is “watching these Luciferians [the faux meat folks] destroy His planet, destroy the animal kingdom, destroy the plant kingdom, change human DNA. Why? They want to change human DNA so that you can’t be born again … They want to create a race of soulless creatures on this planet.”

He had me at “Luciferians”.

Clearly this is an emergency. While I may not worry about my eternal soul having been told so many times that as a Jew salvation is not in the cards for me, I do worry about my many Christian friends who, out of an abundant love of animals, may be enticed to eat these laboratory produced meats and inadvertently give themselves over to Satan. Which leads me to my question: Given the immediacy of this problem, why God is merely watching this happen?

Pastor Rick says that God will destroy all life on our world as He did in Noah’s time, but why doesn’t God act before the Luciferians accomplish their goals? Why not cause all those creating meatless meat to choke to death on a real chicken bone? Why not save humanity before we become a race of soulless creatures rather than simply annihilate us once this happens?

But this is God’s business, so who am I to judge?

“Shall God destroy the innocent along with the guilty?” (Genesis 18:23) I guess so.

“Shall the Judge of all the world not do justly?” (Genesis 18:25) I guess not.

Is there nothing we can do about this? Of course there is.

First, eat real meat. Lots of it. Enough to kill you before you lose your soul.

Second, urge Congress to pass laws outlawing all Lucerferian industries.

Third, pray to God that He broaden salvation to include human adjacent species like those of us who have already eaten faux meat products. And maybe orangutans and chimps.

But most of all do your best, regardless of what you eat, not to become a soulless creature. I’d start by not watching TruNews.com.

• In case you don’t get my incredibly clever title it is a spoof on the Hebrew National brand of kosher hot dogs that claim the company answers to “a Higher Authority” by which they mean God, though not the God of Pastor Rick who presumably allows Rick to eat a ham and cheese sandwich which the Higher Authority of Hebrew National forbids. Having never eaten ham I am not qualified to venture an opinion as to which God is preferable.

Want more? Read about the mindful meat movement.