Creativity as a Relationship Skill

When most of us think of creativity, we think of some artistic endeavor that may include artwork, music, performances or even fashion and design. Few of us think of creativity as a primary and critical relationship skill. However, in my years of experience working with people in building healthier relationships with themselves, others and with Spirit, creativity constantly rises to the top.

Most of us have a habit of being reactionary when things happen and we see things a certain way without questioning if our beliefs are accurate. Then our actions are spurred on by those—often false—beliefs. Einstein said, “You can’t solve problems with the same mindset that created them.” Consequently, if we want to resolve issues, we need to tap into a different mindset, and different way of seeing things.

When we are able to tap into creativity in our relationships, rather than trying to manipulate other people to change, we as the creator, see multiple possibilities we can utilize to solve the same problem. Rather than my way or your way, the creative mind comes up with a third, fourth, or fifth possibility.

I teach a concept I refer to as The EROS Equation which stands for Event + Response = Outcome and Solutions. When we are not thinking creatively or responsibly, we think that Events = Outcomes and Solutions, overlooking the Response piece. We think that if we can change the external events (or everyone else), it will lead to a solution. However, when we tap into our creativity, we realize that just like colors on the palette, events and people are what they are. Our true power comes from how we mix the colors and how we respond to those events or people. Our creativity allows us a different mindset with which to explore varying responses that lead to different outcomes, and ultimately the solutions.

So, how do you develop your relationship creativity? As a practice, you can start by examining any situation in the past that didn’t end up the way you wanted it to go. Determine what the original event was and notice what you chose to believe (your mindset), and how you responded at the time. What was the outcome that resulted? Explore creative options that you might have employed as responses instead and use your imagination to consider what the likely outcome would have been. List as many possible responses as you can and notice which responses would likely lead to outcomes that are close to your desired solution, and which do not.

While you are at it, look at what you chose to believe (he doesn’t love me, she doesn’t think I’m good enough, I’m always going to be alone, etc) and practice considering these thoughts are hypotheses instead of truths. Then imagine as many other possible hypotheses that you can for the same situation. Even just exercising creativity in your belief system will allow you to recognize that just because you believe something, doesn’t mean it is true. This recognition will free you up to change your mindset, and changing your mindset is imperative to solving your problems.

Once you get the hang of it, it starts to become fun, as you will start to see how, as the creator, you are quite powerful. Then in your current situations, rather than reacting as you had in the past, take a deep breath and creatively reconsider your response options. If the picture of your relationship doesn’t look the way you want it to, make some changes; add in a splash of love, a drop of compassion, a touch of responsibility, a swirl of forgiveness and turn your relationship into a masterpiece.