10 Reasons to Say No to Sex

Previously I wrote about the varied reasons people engage in sex, which led a reader to ask: “What are the reasons people say no to sex?”

Saying yes or saying no to sex depends entirely on each individual’s own values, interests, and attractions. Then there’s the related question of why you might say no to an ongoing sexual relationship. The reasons given here can apply to both questions.

10 Reasons for Saying No to Sex

• It goes against your spiritual or moral convictions.
• You are too young (or too vulnerable) to handle the potential consequences.
• He or she is married or otherwise involved—or you are.
• You haven’t spent enough time together to know whether there is any attraction beyond the physical.
• When substances are influencing your decision.
• You don’t know what having sex means—does it mean you are exclusive and monogamous, having an affair, having a one-night stand?
• You aren’t really interested in the other person, but giving in is easier than turning them down.
• You don’t have protection from pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.
• You would be embarrassed to tell your best friend.
• You will feel bad about it in the morning and have less self-respect.

Ask Yourself the “What If?” Questions

Know that every decision has a potential set of consequences and that you will need to accept and take responsibility for the consequences—physical and emotional—that may come to light.

• What if you have sex and then you don’t hear from the person again?
• What if you get pregnant?
• What if you find out he or she is dating other people?

[Read: “3 Rules for Mindful Sex.”]

While this may all sound very logical, sexual involvement with someone seldom has much logic to it. Ultimately, the best way to identify good reasons for saying no to sex is to trust your gut instincts and ask if you will be able to love yourself the next day.

Reasons for Saying No to a Sexual Relationship

Timing is a big reason. For some people, it doesn’t work to be sexually involved with a person right away. For others, it’s after spending a month or two dating. Sometimes it isn’t right until there is an exclusivity agreement or even until marriage. The ultimate question is: When is it right for you?

[Read: “The One Question You Should Ask in Your Relationship.”]

If the time isn’t right for whatever reasons, I encourage you to ask yourself, before the pressure of the moment arises, “What do I need to know, or feel, before it is right for me to begin a sexual relationship?”

Reasons for saying no to sex and saying no to sexual relationships will involve your mind, body, and spirit. Let your body have a say, but also use your head and your heart to make decisions that are in alignment with your goals and values.

Read Eve’s advice to a reader who rushed into a sexual relationship and wants to slow it down.