Essential Life Skill Four: Realign with your Authentic Self
The fourth step or skill is realigning with your authentic self. This step is very similar to step number one, remembering who you really are. However, remember as we might at the beginning of our day, it won’t be long (if we are observant) before we discover ourselves acting like who we really aren’t—angry, jealous, controlling, depressed, or full of self-doubt. Once observed, we have the opportunity to transcend the ego-drama of control and approval and return to our authentic selves. So, let’s take another look at “who we really are,” that divine aspect with which we are aiming to align our thoughts, words and actions.
Consider the positive qualities of small children before they have been “contaminated” by the world around them. They are inherently playful, funny, creative, honest, imaginative, curious, wonder-filled, loving, joyful, enthusiastic, and are adventurous risk-takers. They are authentic and in the moment with their emotions; they laugh when they are happy, cry when they are sad, and forget about whatever it was that upset them as soon as it is fixed or something new happens. They are natural learners wanting to know what everything is called and how things work. They are creative and imaginative; able to build a magnificent fort out of a few blankets and chairs. Children are able to take compliments, simply knowing of their own worth and confident that the compliments are true. Small children get along with others regardless of race, religion, gender, or handicaps, as they haven’t yet learned to judge. Small children are forgiving, as living in the present moment doesn’t allow them to hold a grudge. Children are closely aligned with their esteemed-self because they haven’t yet had life experiences that have separated their egos from their spirit. Small children know their divine essence. All they do is an authentic expression of who they are.
Keep in mind that this is not only true about the children outside of you, but also about the child inside of you. You were like this as a child, too! These child-like qualities are an expression of your soul and represent “who you really are.” The good news is that these qualities never go away; access to them just gets blocked with limiting beliefs and ego dramas. With a little concerted effort, we can regain access to all these child-like, esteemed qualities again. (This is where the skill of transcending the ego and letting go comes in handy!)
If you are not familiar with this aspect of yourself, I assure you It has been trying to make itself known to you. We have all had “Magic Moments” in which we have an experience of overwhelming beauty, a powerful and meaningful dream, a deep feeling of love, an ingeniuos idea, a calm knowing, a deep connection with another, a moment of peace, a creative surge, or an intuitive insight in which our divine essence has been working through us, trying to wake us up to who we really are. Pay attention and the signs will be there. Get outside in nature. Sit in silence and listen. Walk a labyrinth. Work in a journal. Express yourself creatively.
As the saying goes, “Energy flows where your attention goes.” The more you practice self-observation and letting go of your ego dramas, the more you will realize that your dramas are temporary, fleeting and generally self-created. Your authentic self is unwavering, steady, constant, creative, capable, compassionate and peaceful. The more you practice the Five Essential Life Skills, the more in alignment, the more powerful, the more peaceful and joyful you will become.
In the realm of relationships, the five essential life skills can allow you to—in one breath—move from the angst of ego back to the heart. First, remember who you are AND what you want—a harmonious loving relationship. Second, self-observe. Notice when what you are doing, saying and thinking is supporting what you want and when your words, thoughts and actions become the obstacle to what you want. (Ego is always the obstacle, so notice when your ego is flaring, vs your authentic self.) Third, if what you are doing is not serving you nor leading toward your goal, take a deep breath and consciously shift your intention and attention from the ego-mind, to your heart/spirit. For me this is like taking a “down elevator” from my head to my heart and happens in one, maybe two, breaths. Access to authenticity is found in the present moment so take a moment to bring yourself back into a centered state—which is essential skill four: realigning with your authentic self.
The fifth essential skill is Taking Aligned Action and will be the topic of my next blog. For now, practice! Breathe! Find Center!
Intellectual Foreplay Question: What have your magic moments been?
Eve’s Love Tip: It is interesting to note that the qualities of high self-esteem and the qualities of ego often look the same—assertive, passionate, confident, carefree, but they feel very different! Behavior based in true self-esteem is never done with an intention to hurt others—only ego does that. Pay attention to how you feel when you are with other people and you will be able to tell if one or both of you, are coming from ego or self-esteem.