Becoming a Non-Anxious Presence

Responding to tragedy or disappointment is a part of life. Our time on earth will present us with countless situations in which we feel helpless, but even in the most chaotic times we can cultivate a non-anxious presence—unshaken and calm.

In Generation to Generation, Jewish therapist Edwin H. Friedman explains how any system, family, or community will fare poorly in times of chaos unless there is at least one person who models a non-anxious presence. To embody a non-anxious presence, he concludes that, first, one must intentionally choose to be holistically present within a crisis, and second, one must maintain calm in the midst of panic. Irrational actions or accusations are set aside in favor of peaceful solutions and problem-solving, allowing the steadfast spirit from within to permeate the presence of others. Referring specifically to the role of pastoral shepherds but applicable to all, he notes, “To the extent we function and grow within the context of our own souls (a lifetime project) and abet the emergence of our own selves (by a willingness to face life’s challenges and oneself), our spirituality and our tradition will spring naturally from our being.”

Our ability to partner with the Divine in communal renewal is largely determined by the health of our interior life. Who we have become and how we have nurtured ourselves is paramount when others’ well-being is on the line. Consciously or unconsciously, we’ll replicate what’s buried within us. If we’ve been sown in the soil of healing, we’ll reap a harvest of wholeness and goodness, nourishing those around us. This can be a tall order if trauma or loss, resentment or rage, is weaved within our stories. Yet this is the wonder of life in Christ, an exchange of beauty for ashes. A way through the darkness. A faithful companion for the journey.

When crashing waves surround us, our non-anxious presence by way of the Holy Spirit may be the proverbial lighthouse for others. We might be the ones to pick up the mantle of leadership under oppressive rule, the ones to kick to safety, the ones to shine in the moment with unshakable resolve. We may be terrified and tired, yet the image of God burns bright, refining our rough edges and assuring future liberation for all to come. It’s in these moments, these chaotic times, that we recognize we are the women we’ve been waiting for.

It was in us all along.

This is an excerpt reading from The Women We’ve Been Waiting For by Tiffany Bluhm. Copyright September 2024, Brazos Press, a division of Baker Publishing Group. Used by permission. For more information, click here.