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All Love is Unconditional

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We try to accept substitutes for love and end up still feeling empty. Why? Because… there are no substitutes for love.

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That's right, contrary to one of humanity's most common misconceptions, all love is unconditional. In fact, there is no other kind of love.  

If it's conditional, it's not love.

Human beings spend lifetimes trying to figure out ways to "get" love, or more of it, from lovers, friends, parents, children, etc., even from ourselves. We contort ourselves by suppressing what we believe to be unacceptable aspects of ourselves, including some of our feelings and thoughts, in order to get more love. We force stereotyped behaviors upon ourselves in a futile effort to be more worthy of love. We try in desperation to accept substitutes for love, substitutes like attention, admiration, praise, sex, food, money, etc., and end up still feeling empty, even when we are showered with those things. 

Why? 

Because… there are no substitutes for love.

One of the essential features of love, besides being unconditional, is that it is freely given in direct proportion to the giver's capacity to love. To whatever degree the channel for expressing love is open or closed in any individual, that's how much love you can receive from them, depending then on how open you are to receiving love. 

Period. End of story. You can't earn more, no matter what you do. 

And likewise, you can't be less deserving of love due to negative behaviors, thoughts or feelings. That's right. You may be less appealing to spend time with if you are acting out negative impulses or remaining unconscious to yourself, which is why someone can leave  a relationship with you, even though they may still love you, but you will never be less worthy of love based on your actions.

Take a breath on that one, folks. The deal is that if your actions, whatever they are, are judged by you to be proof of your unworthiness, you will close off to receiving love as a result, love that might actually help you heal what was ailing you that made you act out negatively in the first place. Another way of saying this is that our belief in our own "badness" is what leads to our behaving badly and our belief in our own unworthiness is what leads to our experience of lacking love in our lives. 

In childhood, which is where we initially develop these illusions about ourselves and love, we start out in a state of natural "purity," so to speak. We expect to receive love in the same confident way that plants sprouting up from the ground expect to receive sunlight. When a child, organically dependent on adults totally for several years, does not receive the love that it needs to become fully self-actualized, it cannot conceive that the source of their suffering and lack is that their parents are flawed. A human child would be devastated if faced with the reality that its parents are not self-actualized enough to channel the amount of love said child needs to flourish. So, the next most tolerable thought had by that deprived child (all of us on Earth, by the way, in the time period we've been in) is: "It must be my fault. If only I can figure out how to be more worthy, I will get what I need."

And of course, it never works.

It never happens, because the issue was the inability of the unactualized love-givers in early life to give more. Nonetheless, well into adulthood, human beings continue the fruitless efforts to become more deserving of love, or more satisfied with its substitutes, until or if one finally does the self-work necessary to become self-actualized and able to access the unconditional love of our true Higher Self for our physical/emotional self. This unconditional self-love then becomes the basis for actualized love between adults, which is shared, not "earned," not co-dependent, not conditional.

Here's a quote from the Guide:

"Blocks and prohibitions of true fulfillment exist because within the adult personality, the infant still claims fulfillment according to its mode.” (It's "mode" being to try and make itself more worthy through illusory efforts at self-perfection.)

On the website of the Pathwork Guide Lectures, do a search for the word "love." Here you will find a wealth of material on this subject.

Also, make sure to check out another piece of mine, called "LOVE JUNKIES? MAYBE IT'S NOT LOVE!"

Give yourself access to what is inherently yours, folks, the unconditional love that already exists within you for you, by doing whatever it takes to open the channel.

You deserve it… just because you do!


Peter Loffredo headshot

Peter Loffredo has been a holistic psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker and writer in New York City for over 35 years. His blog, Full Permission Living, has garnered a world-wide following and hundreds of thousands of followers over the last decade.


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