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Awakening at the Crossroads

A voice in my head told me, “Ahh, you’ve been here before. But last time you sailed blithely through....”

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Illustration of woman with map on body

Southie Girl by Rubicon1

Standing at the crossroads, I froze, suddenly aware I had to make a choice in my journey. I recognized a landmark, just barely. A voice in my head told me, “Ahh, you’ve been here before. But last time you sailed blithely through and let the choice happen to you, without your intention. You must choose. You didn’t take it seriously and now it’s almost too late.”I took stock. Intuition told me this was one of the most meaningful decisions I’d ever make. I suddenly appreciated that I had been grieving since Christmas Eve. Grieving? Grieving the children not in my life. Grieving the lack of my own family.I greeted the emotions as they passed through me. (What else could I do?) But the intensity of the tears shocked me.Looking back on the 40-year path behind me, I thought of other options; every map has many routes. I could have stayed on the paved highways my whole life, avoiding those bumpy dirt backwoods roads I traveled on. I had often wondered why I couldn’t have taken just one of the recommended roads and found a home.But the times when I borrowed maps from family and friends, I just got more lost. And …

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