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How to Travel in (Better) Time with Your Mate

The story of how you met reveals the future of your relationship.

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Illustration Credit: Caught In The Waves by Lisa Golightly

Here’s a simple question I ask each of my new clients: “Tell me about how you met—the early days of relating when you realized your partner was someone you wanted to spend a whole lot more time getting to know better.”When I asked Paul and Laura this question, their energy immediately shifted. Laura blushed, and they both visibly softened and squirmed as they looked at each other warmly. This, of course, is a positive sign. If either one had stiffened or looked away, I would know that the road ahead would be filled with potholes.The PastScience now substantiates what most of us know to be true: Heightened emotions affect how well we will remember events. The more something matters to us, the more apt we are to catalog it for future reference. As neuroscientist Rebecca Todd notes, “We call this ‘emotionally enhanced vividness,’ and it is like the flash of a flashbulb that illuminates an event as it’s captured for memory.”The good news is that we can use our positive memories to replicate the delightful feelings of our honeymoon period simply by putting our attention on them. Just like Paul and Laura, ret …

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RelationshipsRelationship AdvicePresent MomentCoachingTherapy

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