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Practicing Intellectual Foreplay

I am starting a new relationship after a divorce. I feel cynical about marriage and long-term relationships, yet I understand the incredible gift of lessons from my first marriage. How can I set a foundation for a very different experience?Congrats for the self-awareness required to know you are being cynical and for recognizing the gifts from your first marriage. When someone is unaware of what she does, there is little chance for change, and when she is unaware of the lessons, she misses the blessings.It is helpful to recognize that what we do — even our attitude — is actually a choice, not something that is done to us. I invite you to continue being self-observant, notice when you are being cynical, and ask yourself, “Is this serving me?” If it is, be cynical, but do so with intention and choice. That way, you are clear that being cynical is your decision, and you are not a victim of the results. On the other hand, if you find that being cynical is not serving you or is actually an obstacle to what you want, then take a deep breath, let “cynical” go, and choose a new attitude — one that is in alignme …

Eve Hogan

Eve Eschner Hogan is a relationship specialist, and author of several books including The EROS Equation: A SOUL-ution for Relationships. In Real Love with Eve, she shares skills, principles, and tools for creating healthy, harmonious relationships—with friends, family, lovers, co-workers, and the world at large. Her uncommon approach to common sense will help you sail away from ego battles and into the calmer waters of real love. Learn more about Eve's Heart Path retreats at She is the author of Way of the Winding Path: A Map for the Labyrinth of Life.

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