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Why Relationships Are So Difficult

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On any given day, 1.6 million of us are blogging, 27 million are tweeting, and 1.5 billion are posting on Facebook. We’re emailing during meetings, texting during lectures, and talking on our cell phones as we tackle rush-hour traffic. We spend much of our day making deals and dates –– and the reason we do all of this is both simple and profound: we have to socialize in order to get the jobs of life done. As I detailed in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Human Nature Review and in my book, The Origins of Minds, the “first law of human psychology is the second law of thermodynamics.” In other words, being alive is an ongoing search for energy — and our intelligence system evolved to make sure we get what we need. For humans, this means creating and building relationships. And if we are going to create what we might honestly call “conscious relationships” — let alone create a world without endless wars and where 16,000 children no longer starve each day — we need to step behind the curtain and understand the fundamental motivations that drive these relationships.We need to acknowledge what …

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RelationshipsHuman BehaviorScienceLoveEvolution

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