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The Gospel According to Dad

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I have a son named Jesus. Perhaps thou hast heard of him. Perhaps thou hast read the quartet of eyewitness account of his life, written by Matthew (“The Cute One”), Mark (“The Funny One”), Luke (“The Quiet One”), and John (“The Non-Synoptic One”). Perhaps thou hast seen his image in one of the paintings or sculptures forming the small subgenre of Western art known as Everything Before 1750. Perhaps thou spendest one morning a week in a special building dedicated to him, hearing tales of his glory, while secretly fretting over the Raiders’ porous secondary. (I do, sometimes.) Perhaps thou hast seen The Greatest Story Ever Told, a good film, though given the title, a bit disappointing. Or perhaps thou hast seen The Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson, whom my son, as a Jew, will never work with again. Perhaps thou hast heard thy public figures use his teachings to justify or condemn various political causes, especially in America, whose Constitution he co-wrote with me and James Madison. Perhaps thou hast even viewed his face appearing miraculously on French toast, or pancakes, or waffles. (He appeareth o …

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