3 Truths to Help You Heal Mother Wounds

What is a mother?

There are many definitions of the word “mother.” In some cultures, a mother can simply be defined as a female parent. In other cultures, a mother is understood as a woman that gives birth to and/or provides for the needs of a child. Additional definitions are more detailed and encompass the acts of providing love, offering holistic care, treating their children with unconditional positive regard, and desiring the best for their children.

While definitions may vary, most people can agree on the importance and necessity of mother figures in the lives of children as they are developing and navigating life.

As Mother’s Day approaches, we are reminded of this seemingly joyous occasion to celebrate mothers and mother-figures everywhere. We are encouraged to honor the women who have come before us and provided us with love, care, and support. This is a beautiful opportunity to reaffirm the appreciation we have hopefully provided these women year-round. This is a day to celebrate the women who have helped us understand ourselves as well as our place in the world.

However, some of us have not experienced healthy and loving relationships with our mothers. Others have experienced confusing relationships with their mothers that have a mix of both fond and unpleasant memories. Others still have very few unpleasant memories with their mother or mother figures.

Why Is Mother Wound Healing Important?

Mother wounds can be experienced by anyone and can occur for a number of reasons. They are a common experience. However, unhealed mother wounds can manifest in our lives in unhealthy ways and cause us to experience undue pain and stress.

When we heal these wounds, it becomes easier to create the lives we deserve. While healing mother wounds will not prevent every incident of relational pain and disappointment, the practice does help us see the humanity in ourselves and in others, remember that we are deserving of love and kindness, and reaffirm our right to feel and be safe.

So, what happens when the mother figures in our lives have not provided us with the care we desire and deserve? What happens when Mother’s Day reminds some of us of being hurt, unseen, and unheard? How do we move forward with healing and navigating this day? Here are three truths to help you navigate your healing journey.

Your Mother Is Human, But So Are You.

Often, when people discuss the harm they’ve faced at the hand of their mother figures, those concerns are dismissed when loved ones aim to affirm the humanity of the mother figure by saying, “She did the best she could” or “Your mother is human too.”

Mothers are human. And they are deserving of grace, forgiveness, and compassion. Additionally, your mother birthed and/or parented you: a human child. Therefore, you are deserving of that same grace, forgiveness, and compassion.

It is okay for you to experience human emotions and feel conflicted when processing and healing from experiences with your mother figure. You can hold space for your mother’s experience while also holding space for your own.

Your mother may have done the best she could, and it also may not have felt like enough for your needs. More than one sentiment can be true. Your desire to affirm your mother’s humanity does not have to result in the dismissal of your own.

You Deserve to Be Treated With Love, Kindness, and Patience.

Many of the inner child wounds that we experience involve feeling dismissed, unloved, unheard, and mistreated. As we heal mother wounds, it is important for us to affirm the way we deserved to be treated as children, as well as how we deserve to be treated now as adults. You are worthy of being treated well.

There is often an emotional struggle when trying to understand the mistreatment we experienced as children from our mothers, and, in some instances, the mistreatment we experience currently as adults. As we strive to understand, we often internalize that mistreatment as something we deserved. Therefore, we create relationships and life experiences that affirm that internalized belief.

The mistreatment you experienced from your mother figure is not indicative of your worth. Although that may have been your earliest experience of what it looked like to engage with other human beings and see a reflection of your worth, it does not mean it was an accurate portrayal of your worthiness or what a healthy relationship looks like for you.

You deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and patience. You deserve to feel heard, seen, and treated with gentleness. In your mother’s own humanity, she may have poorly reflected the way you deserve to be treated back to you. But now, you can affirm that for yourself.

You Deserve to Feel Safe.

As we heal our mother wounds, we sometimes feel we must sacrifice our own boundaries and truth to preserve a relationship or memory of a mother figure. You do not. Although you may share many experiences and memories and feel like “a part” of your mother, especially if she was or is your birth mother, you also are your own person. You can honor your mother while also affirming your personhood.

To feel safe means to feel free of threat, danger, or harm, and to feel that your needs are provided for. This may look different for you as an adult than it did as a child. However, you deserve to feel mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe. You deserve to feel respected. You do not have to put yourself in harm’s way on Mother’s Day, or any other day, to preserve or pursue a relationship.

The ability to establish and maintain boundaries and the ability to live in our truth are important in any relationship, including relationships with mother figures. Being authentic and truthful with ourselves helps us to cultivate healthy relationships with the mother figures in our lives.

Healing mother wounds can be multifaceted and complex, but you are deserving of the self-love and wellness that comes from navigating the journey. Love and light to you. Ase’.

Utilize a ritual for holding difficult emotions on Mother's Day.