Right to Die: Does Facing Death Set Us Free from Suffering?By:
The teachings found in yoga are unafraid to address the notion of death. In fact, understanding and acceptance of the inevitability of death is seen as something that paradoxically frees one to be more fully alive in this moment. As a teacher, I thought I had fairly clear ideas on it. That is, until someone very close to me died.
More than two years ago, Jeff, my life partner of 11 years, died after an 18-month struggle with Lou Gehrig’s disease (ALS). It was a harrowing experience for both of us, and I cannot begin to imagine what it was like to face this disease head-on as Jeff did. I just know that it nearly took me down in the process as well.
Since that time, I have had many profound moments of growth, healing, and change. One aspect that has stayed in my heart is the notion of self-stewardship at the end of life. It’s something few people address head-on or articulate in a living will. But these heady decisions are something most of us will have to face at one point or another, either for ourselves, our parents, or someone we love.
During the time Jeff was progressing through the disease, we lived in Oregon, a state that recognizes a person’s right to self-steward at the end of life. When we moved to Oregon just two years prior, we had no idea it was a “right to die” state. There are only two such states in the US that allow this freedom. If a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness and has less than six months to live, they are legally allowed to end their life, and the suffering that comes with it, if they so choose.
This is not usually an in-demand topic for discussion at casual social gatherings, but once engaged, most people have a strong opinion. To my surprise, very few of the people I’ve talked with are vehemently against the notion. Most are curious and unsure about it all. Some feel clear that they believe they have a right to make their own decisions in this type of situation.
What I now understand anecdotally is that people from other states end their lives at the end stage of disease all the time, but it is illegal, and therefore sometimes shady or dangerous, in how it is carried out. This is why the topic needs to be addressed.
About a year after Jeff died, I returned to our hometown of Portland to take care of logistical details in finalizing my move to Hawaii. I met with a friend who had helped another couple go through the same experience as us. For their own personal reasons, this couple had agreed that they would not consider the option of Death with Dignity. Given the magnitude of this decision process, it was a personal choice I respected. I knew how hard it was: In fact, each time Jeff and I addressed this issue in the 18 months prior to his death, I would walk away with either a migraine or physical nausea. It’s a tough process to have to face. But as the son of a clear-thinking attorney, I emphatically supported Jeff in making sure he kept his options open. I would have supported any decision he would make.
Sadly, this couple lost their battle with the disease as well and the husband died, but only after months of lingering in what I can now fully imagine as a fate worse than death. You see, ALS robs the individual of their ability to breathe and swallow, in addition to rendering them with full-body paralysis. Their lungs fill with fluid and they essentially end up slowly choking to death. “Dismal” is one of the lighter terms I’ve used described the process.
After her husband died, his spouse turned to my friend and said, “You know, toward the end, we both wished was had at least considered having the option similar to what Jeff and Will did. I don’t know if we would have actually gone through with it, but it would have helped us feel more empowered toward the end."
When I heard this, I felt a calling. I was surprised and saddened that they had suffered so much. I wondered why they hadn’t at least addressed this issue to keep their options open. The suffering with this disease is remarkable, and my heart goes out to them both.
I understand that this issue stirs up so much
Will Donnelly is a nationally recognized, certified yoga teacher and writer. He has been a pioneer in the field of yoga, developing Practical Yoga, and co-creating a yoga–reality series for fitTV (Discovery Communications). As a writer and teacher, Will encourages all students to trust their impulses and find their true voice. Will currently lives on the Big Island of Hawaii, where he leads weekly yoga and writing classes at Kalani. He also leads several popular Practical Yoga adventure and healing retreats throughout the year, with information to be found at WillsPracticalYoga.com