In honor of Mother’s Day and my own mother, who passed away of Lou Gehrig’s Disease, or ALS, eight years ago, I thought I would share the poem I wrote the morning she died.
A Journey In Listening
We were dependent on your loving words,
Your wise advice,
Your compassionate understanding.
We told you everything.
You told us everything.
We...
The recent conversations about same-sex marriage have got me thinking. Someone on a talk show pointed out that the argument for “traditional marriages” was questionable, since marriage “traditions” of our not so distant past included a man’s obligation to marry his brother’s widow, arranged marriages for financial and political agreements, and a 60 percent divorce rate. It wasn’t until relatively recently that we married for love, and that doesn’t seem to be working out so well....
One of the best things about the Internet is our ability to reconnect with old friends and sweethearts. And one of the worst things about the Internet is that it has opened a door to our pasts that, in some cases, might best remain closed. There are wonderful stories about people who looked up an old flame from their school days to discover that he/she was still single, or recently divorced or widowed, and overjoyed to rekindle the fire. There is also, however, the distinct...
Dear Eve,
I’ve been in a few relationships, but I’m not sure if true love was ever part of the equation. I’m single now, and I’m feeling really isolated and alone. I just hate feeling like no one loves me. I just want to feel loved and I don’t know what to do.
Aloha,
Here is the deal: Love is an inside job. It isn’t like someone actually hands us something we get to handle, hold and touch. Love isn’t something we have...
Dear Eve, I have a friend who is planning to marry a guy she has been dating for about two years. I'm concerned because he has cheated on her before, and the whole "once a cheater, always a cheater" thing worries me. Other than that, he seems like a decent guy and has treated her well. Should I be discouraging her? I don’t want her to be hurt again. Aloha, First of all, keep in mind that just because someone cheated once doesn’t mean they will keep doing so. In fact, sometimes the...
So often when Valentine’s Day is approaching, we all start looking for signs of love outside of ourselves—chocolate, cards, phone calls, flowers, gifts or other sweet sentiments. The sad truth is that even if there is love all around us, if we don’t love ourselves, we may not notice it—nor believe or trust what we see.
When we feel empty, we tend to suck the energy from others in a desperate attempt to be filled. The problem is that love from someone else cannot fill a void created...
When I walk through my plant nursery, The Sacred Garden, right after we have watered, there is a tangible energy in the air. Everything feels different. When I stop to be observant and consider what it is that I am feeling, I realize that the feeling is oozing and emanating from the plants—it feels like gratitude and joy fill the entire greenhouse. Then I discover that gratitude is contagious.I feel different. I feel joyful. I have to then ask myself: Does this lesson from the garden...
The holidays—or as I like to call them, the holy-days—are upon us: a special season marked by traditions and time with loved ones. This is an especially beautiful time of year for doing some self-reflection, making resolutions, and re-dedicating ourselves to our relationships as we move into a brand new year. When considering where we are in our relationships, and how we'd like them to grow and deepen, we have a huge choice to make: whether to honor fear or faith. I like to say that “fear...
Hi Eve,
I have been married for a few years and I am starting to get a little concerned. For the most part, everything is going okay, but I am starting to see my husband change his interests and the way he spends his time. What if he keeps changing ‘til I don’t recognize him any more?
Aloha,
I’ve come to the conclusion that we have (at least) three types of love—past love, present love, and future love. Past love is when we are attached...
Having suffered several losses in my family over the years, I must admit that it has changed my view of gratitude. Before my mom and brother got sick and passed away, I might have offered thanks for the obvious (and usually external) things—like financial stability, friends and family, or perhaps my home, abilities, and opportunities. But watching my mom slowly lose one faculty after the next from ALS—first losing her speech then her strength in her legs, then in her hands, until she was...
This morning I decided to eat mindfully. Then, halfway through my lunch, I suddenly realized that my conscious mind missed the first half of my sandwich. I was typing, unmindful that I was eating. So with the next bite, I ate more mindfully, paying attention to the different tastes as they passed over my tongue. Then, since I was simultaneously typing this article (multitasking is surely against the mindfulness “rules”), I decided to type with mindfulness. Normally when I type, my fingers...
A few years ago I became an adopted grandma and had a five year old living in my house for awhile. I have to admit that seeing the world through the eyes of a five year old is an excellent reminder to lighten up. She and my cats were clearly put in my life to remind me to play and have fun, no matter what I am doing. Yesterday while taking a walk with my granddaughter and her mother, we decided to jog. Thoughts began to run through my mind of how long it had been since I’d been jogging and...
Several years ago my husband and I decided we wanted to buy a home in a really nice part of Maui. The house we chose was all glass and wood and had a beautiful ocean view. We set our hearts on buying this house, but there was one problem.: We didn’t have enough money for a house of that magnitude. Consequently, we did what all young people do who want something they can’t afford—we called mom and dad.
Of course, my parents were not terribly impressed with the idea of us buying a...
While practicing self-observation recently, I noticed that my automatic impulse is to retract my energy when something uncomfortable or potentially emotionally painful is going on. When I feel like someone isn’t treating me the way I want them to, or when someone I care about is moody, I find myself automatically deploying the ego defense mechanism of contraction. Most of us do this as an instinctual response to discomfort or pain or conflict. The unconscious reasoning may sound something...
Dear Eve,
I just started to see someone new. Even though we’ve only been dating about a month, we see each other almost every day and talk on the phone all the time. I really want to keep seeing her, but I’m afraid things are moving a little too fast.
We talked last night and it turns out she feels the same way. She said that it is too early in the relationship to be seeing each other every day, and that we shouldn’t be calling each other so often (...
Dear Eve,
I’m only fourteen years old, but I need some help. I have been talking to a girl (also fourteen) on the Internet for two months. We have traded pictures and know for sure we love each other. The only thing stopping us from meeting is that we live so far apart. She recently moved to Hawaii; I live on the East Coast. Now, since we haven’t actually met, the distance is breaking up our relationship. She said she still loves me, but her parents won’t let her talk on the phone or...
Dear Eve,
I am so frustrated I feel like giving up. I am struggling in so many areas of my life. My relationship is sort of “so so,” nothing horrible, but nothing to write home about either. I’m barely making it financially. Every time I turn around there is something else that happens, something else that needs my attention, some other problem. I feel like I can never get ahead. It isn’t so much like there is one awful thing happening, just a bunch of little things that...
Dear Eve, I’m trying to get a guy back. This is our "short" history (my mistakes are numbered): I ended a two-year, depressing relationship, and I was on the rebound, not ready for anything serious. A week later, I went out with a guy I met. [1] We had sex on the second date (it was a great date). [2] I hung around his place for three days. Then he left for three weeks, and asked me not to sleep with anybody else in the interim. [3] I agreed, but freaked out a little because he wanted...
I was petting one of my cats the other day and enjoying how much he was appreciating the attention. He was purring loudly, rubbing up against me, and making it very clear that he loved the love. I was equally happy sharing the moment with him. The thought then occurred to me how different it would be, how less pleasurable it would be, to pet him and love him if he didn’t respond so appreciatively. If I pet my cats and they were indifferent, if they didn’t purr, I would get far less...
I love book titles. I suspect it is because I rarely make time to read a whole book, so when a book’s title or subtitle is a good reminder of the message within, all I have to do is glance at my bookshelf for a daily hit of self-help: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway; How to Behave So That Your Children Will, Too; Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow. Of course, you have to be careful with some of these titles because if you are using it as an affirmation, there might be better wording...
